My real life.

Okay, so I've watched the bottom video on here probably six times today. The song has run through my head over and over and over this week. It keeps popping in.

That's when I know that I'm supposed to be learning something. So I'll set it up. I LOVE the show Scrubs. LOVE it. Not just because John C. McGinley is one of my favorite human beings (how come no one has helped me to meet him? Come on now...), but because that show had so much HEART. This episode makes me cry every single time.  This lady needs a new heart (maybe that's why it's been bouncing around in my brain so much, but I actually had forgotten that detail until I watched it). She's waiting. In this conversation, they're talking about death:


Love it. Love how she thinks about it. It's a lot like the way my dad talked about it before he passed away. He would say that he was "graduating." Just from this life to the next. His real life.  Bust out your tissues, this is the greatest and best scene of all time:



I can't take it. I love it so much. I love the joy that is expressed during something that's so hard. To me today this song wasn't about death. It reminded me so much about what is going on with me now.  The song is by Colin Hay. It's actually much longer than it is in the clip.  It's beautiful.  These are the lyrics:

Any minute now

 my ship is coming in 

 I'll keep checking the horizon 

And I'll stand on the bow  

And feel the waves come crashing 

Come crashing down, down, down on me

And you said,"Be still, my love  

Open up your heart  

Let the light shine in"

Don't you understand?  

I already have a plan 

 I'm waiting for my real life to begin

When I awoke today suddenly nothing happened  

But in my dreams I slew the dragon 

 And down this beaten path 

 And up this cobbled lane 

 I'm walking in my own footsteps once again

And you say,

"Just be here now Forget about the past  

Your mask is wearing thin" 

 Let me throw one more dice

  I know that I can win 

 I'm waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now my ship is coming in 

 I'll keep checking the horizon 

And I'll check my machine  

There's sure to be that call 

It's gonna happen soon, soon, oh so very soon 

It's just that times are lean

And you say,

"Be still, my love 

 Open up your heart

  Let the light shine in"  

Don't you understand?

  I already have a plan 

I'm waiting for my real life to begin

On a clear day I can see, see for a long way

I just wrote a long, dithering post about how this song fits my life right now and blah blah blah. But I felt like it took away from the awesome simplicity of the message of the song and that part of the show.

I will say that as I played the entire song, I held Abby close and danced with her for those five minutes. I cried so many happy tears about how my life has fallen into such a beautiful place. Tears of gratitude for Abby. For the person she and her siblings are working so hard to make me be. For a God that is working hard to make me something that I could have NEVER EVER been on my own. For the people in my life who love me no matter who I am. I sang to her. She'd lean back and smile wide at me. And then, as the tears continued to flow, she danced a little on her own, side to side, looked up at me and said, "Mama".