Even with the best teachers and staff, Individualized Education Plan Meetings are kind of terrible. I’ve spoken about how fun it is to talk about all the crap your kid can’t do, and even at it’s best, goal planning is boring. At it’s worst, you’re in for a fight that may or may not eventually require tears, attorneys and mediation. We’ve been lucky in the past couple of years to have had great IEP teams, and willing school districts. Still though, as I spend hours and hours preparing for those meetings, and then IN those meetings, I still can’t escape the thought that there could be a way, or many ways, to make them MUCH more entertaining.
So I took this question to my autism-blogger friends. What can we do to make these meetings AWESOME? Here’s our list:
- Every time someone says “with autism” correct them to “autistic” then do he reverse the next time they say “autistic.”
- Ask them if they’ve heard of the (totally made up name) theory of development and see if they lie.
- When they bring up goals that your child has accomplished, pat yourself on the back and say, “good for me”
- Bring notes, on the back of the notes have little ditties written so they see them when you lift up the paper. Like on Wayne’s World.
http://diewithglitter.tumblr.com - Give yourself affirmations at random times. “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough…”
- Insist on doing “Duck Duck Goose” around the table to decide who has to read their section first. Demand outcomes of the game written into the minutes.
- Bring all of your other kids in. And other people’s kids.
- Hand out your own goals at the beginning of the meeting. “The Speech and Language Pathologist will bark when someone says ‘IEP’ 2 out of 3 times with minimal prompting” Measure goals at the end of the meeting.
- Start every sentence with, “I read on the internet…”
- …or “my psychiatrist says…”
- Insist on Person-first language then don’t use it yourself. At all.
- Come in all decked out in sensory attire : weighted vest, lap pad, chewelry, and fidgets.
- Bring a visual timer
- Ask for the meeting to do be done with a sign language interpreter. When they ask you why, call them a racist.
- Say “listening ears” whenever they’re not listening to what you’re saying.
- See how long you can hold this face:
- Every time someone speaks to you, respond with “Are you talkin’ to me?” With full DiNero accent.
- Insist on keeping the chair next to you empty for your friend, Penelope Paddywack, who no one else can see.
- Dress like Maria, from Sound of Music. Carry an acoustic guitar.
- Answer everything in the form of a question. Like Jeopardy
- Bring Scooby Snacks and throw one to the person whenever you like what they said.
- Rap.
- Carry a tiny chihuahua and say “That’s hot” whenever you agree.
- At random intervals say “You bitches be crazy”
- Show up with that black paint under your eyes that athletes use. So they know you’re serious.
- Put tape on your knuckles part way through.
- Talk in third person
- Script an entire episode of Spongebob.
- Use puppets
- Nickname everyone on the team. Use names that describe their worst physical attribute.
- Answer every question with “on the advice of counsel, I refuse to answer on the grounds that I might incriminate myself”
- Elbow your husband and wink knowingly (but act as if you thought you were being subtle about it and don’t think they’ll notice) at every other, then every third thing someone else says, shifting the pattern every so often, completely randomly. They will go nuts trying to figure out the connection between the statements you’re taking issue with.
- At the end, laugh your ass off and then say “Okay you guys, let’s do the real one”
- At impromptu moments, scream “The sky is falling!” Then cluck 3 times.
- Take your own set of “minutes” and force everyone to sign them. “SLP carried on about her period for forty five minutes, fibroids were discussed. OT says her fingers hurt”
- Bring your own attendance sheet with celebrity names on them. “Sorry, we either wait for Brad Pitt to arrive or I need you to sign a waiver saying it’s okay that we had this meeting in his absence.”
- Answer everything they say with “That’s what she said”
- Receive a phone call. Proceed to walk the person on the other line through something important, like landing a plane or an appendectomy.
- Come dressed as William Wallace, complete with blue face paint
- Speak only in Chinese phrases you learned from Ni-hao, Kai-Lan.
- Go dressed up in full paintball gear and start shooting each person in the leg who says something you disagree with
- Bring your “translator” and have them translate everything said… into Pig Latin.
- Just keep doing this, “So what I’m hearing you say is…..” and say what you want to hear, not at all what they said.
- Say “I’d like to give all my answers in the form of interpretive dance”
aaaand you’re welcome,
Lexi Sweatpants and:
Diana at Autism Rocks
Alysia at Try Defying Gravity
Jennifer at Anybody Want A Peanut
Amanda at Confessions From HouseholdSix
Lizbeth at Four Sea Stars
Bec at Snagglebox
Flannery at The Connor Chronicles
Jessica at Don’t Mind The Mess
Becky at Defining Normal
Kelly at Uplanned Trip to Holland
Varda at The Squashed Bologna: a slice of life in the sandwich generation
Oh this is awesome. I must print it out. My son's next IEP meeting is in May. This would make it sooooooo much better.
I may need to share this with my colleagues. Seriously love it.
This list gets funnier each time I read it. And I'm writing this while making your face.
DON'T GIVE US AWAY!
Dude, some of yours made me pee a little. Ruined my couch. Again.
So glad I wasn't the only one peeing while laughing. Oh that doesn't sound right…
Paintball gun. Need one. Maybe two. Fabulous.
LOL! This would have been my addition to the list:Shout "Liar!" in your best Carol Kane impersonation (a la Princess Bride) after everything they say. Then, after the meeting, Turn to your husband and say "Think it'll work?" and he replies (a la Billy Crystal) "Not a chance."
No — Miracle Max does NOT say, “Not a chance.” He says, “It would take a miracle.” Trust me — I have spent more time in my life watching The Princess Bride than I have spent sitting in IEP meetings — and that is saying a lot!
I'm dying. I just died. Now I'm dead.
Fan-firggin'-tastic. Thank you for a great Monday morning LOL. Now if my co-workers would stop starring…
My favorite? "You bitches be crazy." And your bangs look amazing..
THIS!! This is why I love you guys. Let's be together forever, ok?
Thanks for the awesome ideas!
A-W-E-S-O-M-E. And epic. And I'm almost sorry my kids go to a school exclusively for kids on the spectrum where there's no question of who will show up at the meetings, and there's no question of the validity of their needs. Almost.
Ha ha! Thank you! Absolutely perfect! This is the kind of important tips they need to put in all those books!
HILARIOUS!!!
This was the most fun I've ever had with my pants on.
OMG, I am pretty sure I peed a little when I read these! I MUST share this on my blog….do you mind? http://www.reneebcser@blogspot.comMy two year old seriously thought I was having a mental breakdown while I was reading this….between the tears streaming and the howling laughter escaping my mouth, she was just staring at me and trying to kiss my cheek every few minutes! OMG LOVE this!
Awesome!
your pants are on?
Well not NOW. But they were when we were riffing on ways to awesomize the IEP experience.
Just to keep things interesting… Dear Hubby and I try to always add a little neck-kissing, whispering, making out to Seth and Sofija's IEPs.
I will avenge you.
{hugs and jumps}
Favorites.
I don't mind you sharing a snippet and a link, but not the entire post, please?
Also, my apologies to your 2 year old. It must have been HORRIFIC. ahahahaaa
Do you…heavy pet?
Absolutely amazing!
Oh, Lexi, how you make me laugh! I was picturing our last IEP meeting!
• All of the above.Awesome.
As an OT and a parent, I have been on both sides of the IEP table. Some of those ideas were truly funny. But its really sad reading how some parents are treated in IEP meetings. I hope I have never made anyone feel the way some of the parents in this thread feel>
I love this!! I laughed till tears came to my eyes. I just had an IEP meeting this morning and it's probably a really good thing that I didn't read this earlier.
As it was, I really DID say "NO! I won't sign this!" when they wanted me to grant permission to proceed without one of the team members. Hey, I've wanted to do that for years, and 9yrs into this I'm getting comfortable. 
I just about died laughing at these! Truly awesome — and I'm grateful for the laugh.
THAT was fantastic.Thanks for the wild ride. Varda sent me: and yes, she was spot on. You were peeking into my head from our conferences last week. I like to stick my tongue out in my head a lot.
Love these! My son has an iep…this is the first year. I haven't heard anything since w had the meeting to set it up. Is this normal? I would love another meeting so i could do these things…lol
I've done the second to last one.
Just have one question: if no one likes IEPs then why we gotta do 'em? I have two coming up for my students and battening down the hatches for the onslaught of stress to follow.Also, this was my favorite, as you might guess "Bring Scooby Snacks and throw one to the person whenever you like what they said."
Ha! That was brilliant!
My son's IEP meeting was Monday,I wish I would have seen this before now!! lol
and to think I did none of these…missed his meeting by 3weeks. RATS. well, there's always the next one
Lexi- I want to share this post on my own blog – whirlyjoy.com – but I'm relatively new to the blogosphere and uncertain of etiquette. May I link directly to the post and talk up how brilliant it is??
THIS IS GREAT!!! I ACTUALLY LAUGHED OUT LOUD AND I CRY AT EVERY IEP MEETING
My son's IEP is next week. I think they would recommend me for psychiatric care if i did any of this. In all honesty, I have great team members who truly love my son. He actually has the entire staff of the elementary school wrapped around his pinky finger! He's coming along, albeit very slowly. My youngest has barely started to realize that the older brother has some differences. How do any of you explain to younger children that the other sibling has a disability? My son has only been diagnosed with developmental disability, not autism (although he shows some characteristics), we actually think he may have had a stroke in utero. He's the sweetest thing ever. And just for the record, Yes. I cry at most IEP meetings. But even more so when they hand me the reports and I look over them later. My husband has never even been to one. Maybe he should come with me….
Yes, your husband should come with you. You have to be at a meeting to understand it all and as a man he will have other inputs. My husband has been with me at most of our 2 boys IEP meetings and now understand why I am so upset afterwards as we were at a school that had no clue about how to handle kids.
Good Luck! and keep it going.
My son's IEP is next week. I think they would recommend me for psychiatric care if i did any of this. In all honesty, I have great team members who truly love my son. He actually has the entire staff of the elementary school wrapped around his pinky finger! He's coming along, albeit very slowly. My youngest has barely started to realize that the older brother has some differences. How do any of you explain to younger children that the other sibling has a disability? My son has only been diagnosed with developmental disability, not autism (although he shows some characteristics), we actually think he may have had a stroke in utero. He's the sweetest thing ever. And just for the record, Yes. I cry at most IEP meetings. But even more so when they hand me the reports and I look over them later. My husband has never even been to one. Maybe he should come with me….
um, hi. you don't know me.i'm having a crappy day and i ran out of things to distract me and i even ran out of random blogs to read unless you count a parade of public library blogs or ones that haven't been updated since 2009.and then i ended up here and just started reading back until i got to this entry. we don't have a lot in common. i don't have special needs kids. i don't even have kids.and in my 20 years in the public schools i don't think i was ever at more than a handful of IEP meetings because i was a music teacher and it just wasn't important enough to to waste the meeting time on music class.i read through every IEP that crossed my desk, though. because every kid in my classroom was someone who deserved my best attention.but yeah. that list would make an AWESOME meeting. sometimes everyone at the table just needs to throw up their hands and admit they're all equally at sea and want this kid to have the best possible chances.sometimes everybody at the table just needs to flap their arms and hoot because it's crappy box to be trapped in and nobody knows the answers but we all pretend.and thank you for the laughs.did i mention i was having a crappy day?for a few minutes i got to laugh.
Seriously, you have made my night. Really had a good laugh. What a shame that I won’t be able to put these things into practice. The school’s that my son’s attend have decided that neither are required to have an IEP (even though one is diagnosed with Autism and the other is being assessed for Aspergers next month). Have been in IEP meetings before though and can just imagine the reaction I would have gotten from these so called professionals if I had of pulled any of your suggestions out of the bag. Thanks for putting a smile on my face
I love this like an ASD kid loves to stim. What a great way to bring some humor into a stressful subject. I plan to do many of these things at my daughter’s next meeting. Well, maybe not many, but a minimum of 5. Great post.
“I love this like an ASD kid loves to stim” ahahahahahahaaa
Tip toe, tip toe, tip toe in circles around and around and around and around…..Yeah, I get it. I really do. A little ASD humor is always fun for parents who live it. Oh, and I can dance the crap out of “Leather and Lace.” Each goal for my daughter can be expressed with Stevie Nicks-ish swoops and spins.
You and me are now best friends. You should know this.
I knew it already. I’m not just obnoxious and annoying, I’m a mind reader. Hi Bestie (waving like a dork)!
I totally agree with you. I’m deaf and they had to do “ARD” meetings on me, which I often call as “Able, Really Don’t”… I do recall these meetings.. many times, my mother did take the ownership of these meetings away from superintendent and principal to get the staffs on the right track. Many of these meetings were very colorful… and we still laugh about these ARD meetings 30 years later….
daniel your mother went into the lions den for you. she’s my hero as well now and i know that should read heroine, but i’m sure it don’t matter cause parents who stand up for their children are all heroes in my book
Thank you for saying that, Daniel. Sometimes I feel like I’m just a big fat bitch in those meetings, and it’s not my personality. I hope that my kids will one day know how hard I worked on those meetings and how much I cared. It seems like you saw that. It gives me a lot of hope.
I’m a Special Ed teacher, and I LOVED this! I take a very family-centric approach, and I try to have IEP’s be a positive experience. I’ve had parents cry at my meetings, and tell me that they’ve never been to a meeting before where we actually talked about their child’s accomplishments, rather than all of the things their child is doing “wrong.” I have found that almost all of the “difficult” parents (except for a very few) just need to know that we care about them and their child, and just want them to succeed.
I have been going to IEP’s for 8 years! This is HILARIOUS!! I like wearing the sensory gear and “You Bitches be Crazy”
BIG, MAD, KRAZY LOVE for this! Funniest thing I’ve ever read ~
Thank you! It was a lot of fun to write. Check out the people I wrote it with, too. They are fantastic writers.
Thank you for ending my evening with happy tears. I LOVE this…..
I’m glad they were happy ones. I hate making people cry. Unless it’s on purpose. ahahahaaaa
OMG. I am TOTALLY going to try a few of these. I have one to add. At an IEP, I once turned to our previous service coordinator and said “So you’re on the spectrum too… right? No? Really? Hmmm. I’m surprised. I totally had you pegged for an aspie”. But I never told her WHY.
Thanks for the new ideas!
Ohmigosh, I love that! I’m tucking away that little gem along with several from the list for when I need a snappy retort.
[...] a hilarious post about ways to make your next IEP meeting awesome. You can see that awesomeness here. Now, the language is salty and, of course, it’s a joke but I was inspired. I mean, I [...]
I can’t finish reading because I CAN’T stop laughing! Thank you!
I am and SLP and have been working with ASD for 30 years. I also have been a parent of a child on and IEP and I have to say I LOVE your ideas! This was great! My pholosphy has always been, this is someones baby, accent the positive, the parents are already aware of the negative. My favorite was wearing the sensory outfit! With a parent like you with the attitude you have, your child will go far! Keep on Keeping on!!!!!!
I am the parent of son with Autism, and I totally WISH I could say some of these! In fact, I am going to send this to my son’s Psychologist to see his reaction!
I am also going to post this to our new blog about IEP issues and problems just to make people laugh a little
Just a snippet and a link, promise!
Wonderful!
I wore a tubetop to my IEP meeting last year and the teacher remarked that I looked “tropical.” I’m requiring all of the team members to wear them this year.
[...] Ways to make your next IEP awesome!, at Mostly True Stuff (when you need a little comic relief from IEP season … and you will) [...]
Dun…dun…duuunnnnnn…. I am attending my daughter’s IEP meeting tomorrow. I plan on using a few of these:) I am definitely using the “I hear what your saying…insert what I want one.”! I am also packing an IEP disaster kit. It will include lots of chocolate, Kleenex, some kind of tie downs (to keep me from crawling across the table and slapping someone) maybe a few Xanax;) and flowers for at the end, in case they give me what I want.
Love your IEP Disaster Kit! Yup, a must-have for every parent in an IEP.
School Psychologist for 20 years. Can’t even begin to tell you how many fellow speducators I’ve wanted to strangle. I’m doing my next IEP with puppets! And I’m using the I hear you (say what I want) with my Ed Specialist. I’m hoping to drive her crazy in 10 days. I’ll let you know how it goes.
ROFLOL!!!!
<— this SLP is gonna rock the duck, duck, goose
Oh crap! I laughed so hard I peed. This is dangerous, dangerous stuff!
Holy cow this is HILARIOUS!!! My sons IEP is this month…and i’m bringing this with!
Thank you for this. Tears rolling down my face funny. I need this. Really. I did.
This is great. Where was this list before my horrible ARD meeting last week?!
A friend referred me to this, and I was anticipating some really useful hints. These are way better!
And I declare this is the only thing that has ever given me a twinge of regret that we don’t have IEP meetings anymore.
This was really funny, and we all get this humor as we all live it.
Thank you for not making me feel like I am “crazy”, more people are out there with the same experience.
Well that explains some the behaviors I have been seeing recently at IEP reviews.
lol good
Thank you so much for the humor. I love it and hope that I can ever sit in an IEP as entertaining as this would be.
Wish I could give you this (((HUG))) Our IEP days are far behind us but boy oh boy did this have me rolling… It is a darn good thing I had not read this a few years back the team we had in High School was …well… then again at least it would have been fun for me!!
We just had our first IEP meeting for our son….lasted two sessions and was in parts completely mind numbing. I would have totally done the “duck duck goose” game had I read this first….there is always the next one!
Thanks for the laughs and setting the right tone of humor for something that isn’t always so laughable.
Love, love, love this post!!! Would be so honored, if you would check out my blog. I think this particular post might be your cup of tea (or tequila) LOSING CONTROL: http://superbtherapy.blogspot.com/2013/03/losing-control.html It’s not about what you think it’s about (from the title).
I’m subscribing to your blog! If you like my post, please subscribe, too! Thanks! – Noelle Michaels
Omg, I am crying because I’m laughing so hard. Best IEP advice EVER!
Quite literally crying from laughing so hard.
I AM a sign language interpreter, IEP meetings stink in any language!
This cracked me up. I’ve sat in many IEP meetings, both as an interpreter and parent, and have not felt listened once…in either role. Seriously frustrating.
I may have to start using some of these techniques!
Brillante hahaha
I think I would love having an IEP meeting with you!!! These are amazing. Maybe I will give this list to my classroom parents, let them pick and choose which ones they want to do during our meetings to spice things up
I can definitely see where you are coming from with how IEP meetings can go, luckily I work in a charter school with a smaller environment where we can sit in a meeting, talk about what the student CAN do and how we will work to make them even better at it. I wish you all the best in your future meetings…and ask for pictures to be posted of reactions to anything you do off your list!
I almost cried from laughing so hard. I am a Special Ed teacher, and IEP meetings are definitely a pain for both parents and educators. Maybe I should try some of these ideas at my next meeting?
Awesome!!! Why didn’t I think of these at my son’s last IEP?
If only more IEP’s were a little more lighthearted! Thank you so much! I laughed harder than I have in a really long time!
This would be even more fun to do at parent teacher interviews.
Bringing this to my special moms Bible study! This is beautiful, just beautiful. I needed tissues. From snorting out coffee.
How refreshing to not feel like I am from Mars! I find it ridiculous that as parents we have to educate the educators about our children. It is exhausting trying to have a meaningful role in the IEP process. I absolutely LOVE the made up theory! I bet it would work! This made my day. Thanks for making me laugh!! You all rock! To everyone who sees the abilities in our kids and is fighting the good fight for our children you have my utmost respect! Parents you are not alone!!
Loved this! I’m trying not to laugh too loudly, as it’s after midnight (snorted a few times, tho). I was reminded of our Early Intervention … um, person … who was a real card, and also the mom of a special needs child. At my son’s transitional meeting (from early intervention to public school), we all went around the table and introduced ourselves. When it was her turn, she said, “I just work over at the McDonald’s across the street and wanted to see what was going on here.” SEVERAL double-takes, I laughed out loud … it was GREAT! Thanks so much
[...] It is spring. That means it is time for IEP (Individual Education Plan) meetings with teachers and administration. Remember, if you have a documented diagnosis for your student, schools are required to prepare an IEP and hold meetings that include you and the IEP team. They are not doing you a favor, it is a requirement because of the ADA (American Disabilities Act). Now, when I say a right, I don’t mean to walk into the meeting in a combative mood. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. However, do your research. See what the research says about your child’s disabilities and what kinds of accommodations have been successful. Make sure that everyone is aware that YOU are aware that the plan exists and must be adhered to. Teach your child to advocate as well. Follow-up at the beginning of the year to make sure that all the teachers and staff are aware of the IEP requirements and accommodations. Do not expect that they will remember every detail. After all, they have MANY students; not just your child. I believe it is essential in the IEP meeting(s) to document a plan to have “tune-up” meetings either mid-way through each quarter. Cildren and young adults grow and change, so do their needs. Remember, advocating takes practice. You must put together a plan before that IEP meeting. Be professional, courteous, respectful, but do not let your child’s needs go unmet. You CAN do this! Both of the links below will provide you with OUTSTANDING support, guidance, information, and more. http://writeshesays.wordpress.com/2013/04/16/bringing-the-party/ http://www.mostlytruestuff.com/2012/11/ways-to-make-your-next-iep-awesome.html [...]
Thank you so much for this. I’ve left so many IEP meetings wanting to cry and/or tear my hair out. Just thinking about these ideas will make the next one so much better.
Our IEP meetings and dealings with my son’s school has been a real nightmare! I laughed so hard when I read this and wish we would have done some of these things before. We have a meeting Friday – the first of which our attorney will attend. (Believe me when I say it is bad, so we’ve had to retain an attorney for so many reasons. One of which is the assault charges they filed against my 6 year old son right after our February meeting with them.) I told my husband we just need to show up with a bowl of popcorn, take off our shoes sit back and enjoy the show. Thanks again for this – It is refreshing to laugh about it.
As a former special ed teacher, I have lost count of how many IEP meetings I’ve sat through or organized or scheduled etc. I used to feel so bad for some of those parents who had that glazed look in their eye because we had to go through EVERY stinkin’ page in detail ad infinitum. The only really bad meeting I can remember was with a mom who really was crazy (she actually quoted her psychiatrist in the meeting.) One of those meetings where you feel really bad for the kid. Trust me, we hate IEP meetings too. I wish I’d had a few parents throw me some Scooby Snacks.
[...] http://www.mostlytruestuff.com/2012/11/ways-to-make-your-next-iep-awesome.html [...]
How appropriate that I found your post 3 days before our next IEP meeting! Hilarious…. and yet after reading all the comments I feel hideously unprepared. Ugh. Wish us luck….
My son is now 7 fixing to be 8. When he went into kindergarten they had an IEP meeting to see if he was qualified for an Iep since he has Asperger’s . During the meeting he was bored. For some reason he would start bocking like a chicken when he was bored. Needless to say pretty much the whole meeting was chicken noises lol It was for sure interesting.
I loved this!!! DS’s IEP is in a few weeks and I just may use a few of your suggestions.
I would so need an entire arsenal of paintball guns for my sons IEP meetings!
Thank you for this. My son’s IEP is Monday. This was HYSTERICAL!!!!!